Mormonism Explained
Helen Mar Kimball: Joseph's Marriage Examined
Don Bradley unpacks the Helen Mar Kimball narrative, tracing how her father's proposal became a story about Joseph Smith's manipulation—and where the evidence diverges from that account.
When it comes to the story often told of Helen Mar Kimball, one of Joseph Smith’s youngest wives, the narrative claims Joseph manipulated her into marriage by promising it would save her whole family. Critics frame him as pressuring a 14-year-old into a sexual relationship. But Helen Mar Kimball’s own account tells a different story.
She writes explicitly: “My father, Heber C. Kimball, wanted to be connected with the prophet for the eternities. And so he proposed to the prophet that the prophet marry me.” Right from the start, this raises a crucial question: if Joseph is supposedly the manipulator here, why is her father the one proposing the marriage?
There is no source showing Joseph was the instigator. Scholars like Todd Compton acknowledge this—they show that Helen Mar Kimball’s father wanted the marriage. But interpreting these sources through the lens of modern assumptions about Joseph’s character has created a distorted picture. When people are upset or going through painful experiences, they often interpret events through a certain filter, seeing what they expect to see rather than what the evidence shows.
What’s striking is that Helen Mar Kimball defended the Prophet and plural marriage throughout her entire life. She wrote books like Why We Practice Plural Marriage. This conflicts sharply with the narrative that Joseph coerced her into an unwanted relationship.
The Heartbreak, Without the Sex
Helen Mar Kimball did write about heartbreak connected to this experience. In a poem about her youth, she expressed the pain of what unfolded. But she never—nowhere in her account—claims she had a sexual relationship with Joseph. Where is that assumption coming from?
What she does say is something different: she thought the marriage was only for the next life, for eternity. Then, through a particular incident, she discovered it was meant to apply to this life as well. She wanted to go to a dance with young friends and was told, “No, you can’t go. You’re a married woman.” That’s when she realized the marriage applied to this world too.
Here’s the critical point: if they were having a sexual relationship, wouldn’t that have been a far more obvious way for her to discover she was married “for this life”? Wouldn’t that have been the defining clue? The fact that she discovered it through a social restriction—not through intimacy—suggests no sexual relationship existed.
Yet critics assume consummation anyway. Instead of making assumptions, why not look at what the evidence actually shows? The evidence shows it wasn’t Joseph’s idea. It shows her father initiated it. And it shows that he wasn’t having sex with her.
On Age and Context
The Church’s Ensign essays on this topic do mention Helen Mar Kimball. But how they phrase it matters. In the essays, they say she was “almost 15.” This phrasing has been criticized as an attempt to hide the fact that she was 14. Yet Helen Mar Kimball herself says in her own account: “This happened when I was almost 15.” All the Church needed to do was quote her directly and use her own words. People can’t criticize them for doing that.
When asking how many of Joseph Smith’s wives were under 18, researcher Brian House has compiled good data. Of the 36 known wives, consummation was probable for roughly 12. Another 10 or so were possible. Nancy “Mary” Winchester, whom Joseph married in Nauvoo, was 15—and we don’t know that marriage was consummated either.
The others aged 16 and 17 represent the upper range of youth among his wives. But here’s an important historical point: when asking if anyone was “underage,” the answer is no. At that time, 14 was the legal age of marriage in the state—specifically in Nauvoo as well, which had its own marriage law aligned with state law. Nobody was underage by the legal standard of the time.
Judging practices from that era by today’s legal and social standards creates obvious confusion. Different societies throughout history have had vastly different standards for what constitutes an appropriate age for marriage. The relevant question is not whether modern sensibilities are satisfied, but what the evidence actually shows about Joseph’s actions and intentions.
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